A few more ideas from Ester & Jerry Hicks books.
Like lot’s of their work, Its a daily practice. When we focus on what we don’t want or like in any relationship or try to “fix” our partners or point out our partners areas for improvement, we actually are creating more distance towards what we do want in a relationship. We have to focus on the positives in our relationships, while still desiring or asking for, in a positive way, what we want additionally in our relationships. A challenging balance! The positive/negative bank account works the same in relationships!
Read something recently that really got me thinking about how most of us deal with problems. The Law of Attraction says what you focus on and the vibration or energy you create with that focus creates what we experience. So it seems most people are constantly talking about their problems. This doesn’t work, I wish my partner would be more like this, I don’t have enough money, I hate my job, ect, ect. I have gotten this in the past, but have learned from their message how it really can affect all aspects of of our life’s or all forms of abundance – health, money, and relationships.
What also became clearer is my personal part of a relationship. Lets take a friendship; a friend comes to me and says all his problems. Hicks’ says every moment we talk about his problems or me giving attention to his problems (thinking about them afterwards as well as during chat) is a moment further away from helping him and he helping himself. Their thinking is “there is no reason to deliberately stir up problems in order to stir up solutions”. Until you change the focus to thinking (and the new vibration/energy it creates) about the solution or what you desire, no change will occur. They also suggest my energies, as the listener, can be affected by this situation if I focus on the problems of my friend. Have you ever felt drained after listening to a friend or family member dump a problem(s) on you? How is your energy after that? How positive are you after that? Pay attention if that “negativity” last for a while in you or builds in your day? They say “Looking for the positive aspects and expecting good outcomes for your friends is the only way you can be of value to them, for there is no action that you can offer that is strong enough to buck your current of negative attention.”
Said another way I like “Nothing good ever comes from focusing in opposition to what you desire. It is detrimental to you and to whomever you draw into your negative conversation”………So, this is a much stronger reminder of my responsibility than I have thought about in the past. I have certainly felt drained from negative talk with a friend in the past and in the last few years have been playing with a “anti dumping strategy” in communication. I’ll give a person 5 minutes to dump, but no more unless we set up a specific time so I can be “prepared” to listen to the story. I’m doing this more often these days and sometimes its hard because I can feel not very compassionate or selfish. This reminder info has me thinking that this is part of the “why” I do not want to get caught up in these conversations too often as not focusing on the solution will not bring about the desired outcome. SO simple, get out of our old patterns and ways of communicating and focus on solutions!